Always be spending time…
March 18, 2021- a date I’ll always remember. A significant turning point in my life, my family’s life, and for my mom. The day the matriarch of the family was called to Heaven.
My grandma had the most loving heart for her family. She was always the first to make sure you knew about God. She was the life of the party and could hold a conversation with the wall. She delighted in the planning of a new travel adventure, ate great food, indulged in delicious wine, and met the most amazing people being one with the locals. She was my energy and I admired her for all things the Dane (her Danish nickname), and one who I’ve grown to learn that I take after many of her traits. She was always humming or singing a tune while she cooked or walked down the street. Grandma Barb was always listening and present. She stressed the importance of being present is a gift and family time is no time for distractions. She taught me how to live life to the fullest and love unconditionally. She gave the best hugs, and her love languages were physical touch and quality time. Even on her not so great days, she managed to pull herself together and turn herself around. She had the best stories and greatest compliments. She would have lived to be over 100 with decades of wisdom and life within her upbeat spirit.
On March 18th- it didn’t dawn on me that this was the day I would lose my grandma in the physical, I just knew I didn’t want her to suffer any longer. COVID is real and it is painful. She believed in science, but most importantly which gave us all peace- was her love and devotion for her lord and savior Jesus Christ. When she passed- I fell to my knees and balled in a fetal position. The wind was taken out of me and I was numb. Devastated and hysterical in the moment I asked God, “why?”
Death- such a dark word and hard to explain. Death is hard to understand. I’ll admit, I don’t do well when someone close to me looses a loved one or even when death comes in my family. I shut down. I get awkward. Some say that pain always comes in threes it seems. What is reassuring is we don’t need to have all the answers or even search for the “right” things to say. Just listen and support, hug and respect the healing journey. One of my greatest friends told me, “To be absent with the body is to be present with God.” Regardless if you are religious or not, what I do know is that there is no timestamp on grief. There is no timestamp on healing over a a loss of a loved one or something traumatic that happens in our life. It’s crazy to think that one day that will happen to us all, but what’s even more crazy- we have such a life to live and we must take full advantage of the opportunities. No one is responsible for healing you but yourself.
We all have a purpose in life and I believe that’s what life is about- finding your purpose and how that will also impact the lives of others. Every day is a blessing and every birthday is a gift.
I’m so thankful I got those small moments of time I spent with her before she passed. I’m so thankful that her last glass of wine was with her family. Her last laugh and song she sang was with us (anything Al Green). Her last pedicure was with us. Time spent with her sharing her cookie recipes and love for Christmas is much more meaningful and sentimental.
To our nurses and doctors-I’m grateful for your compassion and your gift. You are caretakers who work tirelessly to take care of our loved ones. The emotional nature they have to undertake should not be overlooked or underappreciated.
Always be spending time with your loved ones. Always be remembering your traditions and beautiful memories. Always carry them through. Always laugh and rejoice and celebrate their life- a life we are lucky to have lived with them.
Celebration of life 9/25/21
“I love you, a bushel and a peck, a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck…”
To have known you would be to know God, the adventures of life and traveling the world, the love of family, basketball and March Madness, and the simple pleasures of gatherings over good drinks and food. Your thirst for fellowship and friendship, your obsession over the royal monarchy and Princess Diana, and your wisdom of life and diverse cultures is truly amazing. You are my spirit animal! You were always ready for anything. You brought so much joy and energy to everyone around you. Thank you for showing me the unconditional love of Jesus and being the epitome of a Godly woman.
I sit here and re-play saved voicemails just to remind myself of your vibrant voice, “Hey girlfriend! I want to hear all about your trip! Call me back.” “Hey my darling, I’m making quiche and mimosas ready for your arrival for brunch.” “Hey babe, did you know that you’re named after a Russian Princess? Don’t ever forget you are a star and so beautiful with a big heart.”
My heart yearns for your best hugs. My heart yearns for my wine and cheese partner. My heart yearns for museum tours and making homemade bread and baking Christmas cookies together. My heart yearns for your appreciation of being present and soaking in ever special moment of life. My heart yearns for your treasures of tradition. Holidays will not be the same without you. I’m shattered and in shock. I’ll forever cherish the memories you lovingly provided during my childhood and beyond. I’ll continue to live up to your legacy that life is worth living the best life. I know you are in a great place dancing with Grandpa (Bo Hunk), your sister, Jake and those that have passed before us. Any time I embrace the beauty of the sun or gaze at the stars, I’ll appreciate it even more knowing you’re dazzling upon your family. I know you are so happy to be with our Lord and Savior. Love your Annabelle.
