Always be gathering…
When I lived in Chicago, I had an opportunity to work for one of the greatest startups during that time (or at least I thought so). It was everything you hear about startups- thinking quick on your feet, fast paced, tenacity and resilience, collaboration and innovation, doing something bigger than for yourself, putting out “fires”, fun parties and events, building something on your own and together, having an entrepreneur mindset, and also understanding stress and hard work.
After a few months navigating my way through building rappor and also creating processes and structure around recruiting and interviewing, I found my way. It taught me how to stand in my power and the meaningful connections I was making with the people I worked with meant something. I had the opportunity to truly shape and influence the culture of the startup, and an opportunity to take on projects and responsibilities to stretch my creative energy. The most important thing was I wanted my team to know that they were valued and appreciated.
One year, I decided we needed to have a tradition- a yearly Thanksgiving lunch where we catered in food to thank our teams for their commitment to the mission, that their hard work and long hours didn’t go unnoticed. I received a lot of “Thank Yous” and gatitude towards making that day a traditon for the two years that I worked there. The second year left the biggest impact. After everyone gathered around and filled their plates with mashed potatoes, green beans, turkey, and dressing- two new team members came up to me (separately) and said, “Thank you so much for taking the time in doing this. I do not have any family here or have a home for the holiday- and this meal means so much to me.” I had to take a step away from the kitchen, process my thoughts and cried just a bit. I was deeply moved. I was moved in such a way that all the planning, budgeting, trying to be as dietary conscious as possible, and pouring in my love to keep this tradition alive was for a purpose. Later that year, unfortunately we got the news that one of those team members passed away. I was shocked and sadened by this news. What I’ve learned from this is that everyone has a story. Everyone has something they are facing, and at the end of the day we all want to feel a sense of connection, love, belonging and feel welcomed, right? Even if that something is surrounded by good energy, belonging, and a loving meal.
This can go true when you are invited to a party or hosting an event- please be kind and be a welcoming host and a thougthful guest, or you really don’t have any business inviting people into your home or putting your energy into something you are just not ready for.
An essential step along the path of gathering better is making peace with the necessity and virtue of using your power. If you are going to gather, gather. If you are going to host, host. If you are going to create a kingdom for an hour a day, rule it — and rule it with generosity. (The Art of Gathering)
A mentor of mine mentioned that there is a difference between an event and an experience. An event is something that happens at a specific time and date with action or entertainment involved. An experience is something that sticks with you for longevity; it makes an impact and motivates you.
When you are bringing people together, there will always be different ways to connect individuals and also a way to bridge the gap between people. Everyone has a different way of having fun and being entertained and feeling connected. The biggest thing to keep in mind is that it is not your sole job to make someone happy or enjoy their time. When you are hosting, don’t forget to enjoy the experience yourself and have fun. Loosen up the pressure to try and please everyone. Your thoughtfulness behind the gathering is inviting.
Be a welcoming host
“I kept filling my house with people that needed laughter, or shelter, or quiet, but most of all I kept filling it with friends. We bloomed there.” -Sweet Magnolias on Netflix
I LOVE planning and hosting events to invite my closest people together. An opportunity for us to kick back, laugh, talk, be vunerable, and just feel free. I also receive a special sparkle in my heart when I connect new friends and welcome friends that become family by creating a village. This village is a treasure.
When we host events, I’d like to think we do this because we love to, we receive a special gift that we could bring people together. The gift of fellowship and connection. Being a thoughtful and welcoming host includes being intentional with inclusivity. Be mindful of the mix of energies and personalities you are inviting into the space- do you think everyone will get along? Is someone struggling with something and you want the space to be surrounded with love, peace, and support? What type of environment are you expecting to create? Are you being inclusive with the meals you prepare and the entertaimment you pick? It is enough to invite people into your home, but it is also a gift in making them feel welcome.
When I began my health journey and became a pescitatrian, my close friends were so thoughtful in the meals they prepared or the snacks they shared to be inclusive to my diet. Now that is love. Wouldn’t you want the same to be reciprocated?
Now I understand, hosting and entertaining can be stressful and yet in a way also pretty fun. You have an opportunity to tap into your creativity with a theme or even the smallest piece to show meaning. You have an opportunity to heal someone you may not realize is hurting. You have an opportunity to display the love language of quality time and acts of service. It is also fun. Don’t feel like you have to do it all on your own either. Include your guests in the planning, let them know what to expect or what to bring. If you’re planning a Taco Tuesday- ask someone to bring the lettuce and cheese. They will be alright and appreciate the invite. Hosting an expereince can look like volunteering togther, participating in a meaningful 5K, charitable event, dinner party, brunch, themed gathering, game nights, or even just an informal hangout 1:1 quality time.
Be a thoughtful guest
Don’t be showing up empty handed, y’all. My mom always raised me that when someone invites you to their home, it isn’t proper etiquette to show up empty handed. Always bring something. This “thank you” gift can look like a bottle of wine, flowers or a plant, a side dish to contribute to the snacks, something cozy like a candle, or just a thoughtful card to express your thanks to them for inviting and welcoming you into their space, their santucary. A sign of respect. Now, I don’t care if it is family, I still make sure I come with at least something, “I don’t care if it’s a 6-pack!”-Tracy English my mother) but please ask if there is anything you could bring before showing up).
Understandably so, we all have our own journeys and life expereiences. Digging deep into being present and open when you are attending a gathering makes an impact. Active listening and also allowing yourself space could also resonate with someone else who may be going through something similar. The gift of your presence and quality time goes a long way.
So have fun and laugh! Connect and Fellowship! Travel and Expereince the Adventures! Always be gathering with purpose.
