Always be intentional (pt. 1)
“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and do so with passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” -Maya Angelou
Every year I feel there are some truly transformative experiences and moments. Each New Year, instead of setting goals I place a word of the year to live by. One year my word was surrender. This year my word is intention. How can I be more intentional with what I place my energy towards? How can I be more intentional with my self-care journey? How can I be intentional with the choices and decisions I make? How can I be more intentional with where and whom I spend my time with?
When you are preparing for something important to you, whether that is a sports try-out, doing well on an exam, achieving a certification, manifesting having a baby, or budgeting for an investment, you set your intentions strategically. You are intentional and focused with how often you study, practice, and save in order to achieve that goal. There is a saying in mindfulness studies that what you practice grows stronger. I believe this is true to what you set your intentions to.
How can I be more intentional with spreading love, light and positivity?
Instagram: @sylvestermcnutt
Intentional with Protecting My Energy & Healing
“Check your energy before coming into this space.” This was a quote on a door mat I received and I was so excited about this thoughtful gift (until someone stole it from me, but we are going to move pass that…)
Recently I’ve been listening to a lot of gospel and R&B (especially 90s). My girlfriend put me on to Maverick City Music and I feel so soul-filled. Million Little Miracles, Promises, Take me Back, Jireh are just a few that touch my soul. Jubilee is a song that I usually get emotional listening to.
So listen for the free man singing, "He's delivered me"
Look out for the woman shouting, "His garment made me clean"
Listen up, for the season's changing
He's rebuilding everything
Listen for the people shouting, "This is Jubilee"
Listen, therapy is cool. Anyone who tells you that it’s not is intentionally not being a good friend. We all have our own healing journeys. We are also more alike than we are different. I never really considered myself an empath until I was introduced to therapy. I just thought I connected with people at a deeper level of understanding, and I wanted to always be the one to be a listening ear and help them heal. Those close to me have shared that I have a compassionate and nurturing energy. How would you describe your energy? It is something you should be in tune with.
Talking about feelings and emotions is something I like talking about. I truly care about you and what you are going through. My friends call me very compassionate and the go-to person who will always show up, no matter what. My family considers me the glue that keeps everyone together. I’m always checking in, always the life of the party, always that person to talk to. My family and friends know this about me, and sometimes I try to take on the weight of their circumstances as my own. Through therapy I learned that that isn’t always healthy.
At times, I would find myself emotionally drained or disconnected. I wasn’t sure what was going on. I felt a sense of depression and clouded thoughts. Through therapy, I learned that compassion fatigue is real and not everyone needs a superhero. They need to learn how to save themselves also, and I need to learn boundaries to protect myself. Energy is powerful and I can feel the energies in a room. Once I feel a shift or someone having a moment, my immediate reaction is to try and fix it, or I tend to take it personal as if I caused this shift; “What am I doing wrong? Are they mad at me? What caused this? Was it something I said?” Just over and over ruminating, self-sabbotage, overthinking thoughts. How toxic and exhausting right? This is what I do to myself. Let me tell you, overthinking and ruminating causes us to fixate our energy on something that does not need to be.
“Energy is your most precious human resource.” - Susannah Seton
Your energy level can change throughout the day and with the company you keep. There is physical energy, and also emotional, mental, and spirtitual energy. When your energy feels scarce, you don’t feel like yourself or have enough stamina to push forward, check in. While healing is a journey in itself, there is no “end date” really, but we have resources and support that will strengthen us through the course. Through therapy I am learning tools and techniques to not takeway my empathic character, but also to intentionally protect my energy while also supporting others from a distance. Everyone’s story and journey is just that, theirs, and so is yours. Words are powerful. Check-in with your strong friends, your introverted friends, and most importantly check-in with yourself. Fill your cup up first so that it can overflow to others.
Protecting your positive energy and healing by:
Nixing FOMO and saying no
Resting and enjoying alone time
4x4 box breathing by inhaling positivity and good vibes and exhale negative energy
Setting healthy boundaries
Stay away from energy suckers that make you feel mentally drained and depleated
Exercise/ moving your body
Listen to music
Unfollow content that disturbs your peace and energy
Respond when you are mentally ready
Turn inward and find your balance if you notice an energy shift
Let go of what you can’t control
Listen to your body
Surround yourself with good vibes and find the good
Instagram: @beautyandbrujeriabmc
Intentional with Healthy Lifestyle Choices
Don’t play games with your life. Recently, I came across this POOSH post Happy People Do These 10 Things Differently which covers self-care hacks and self-soothing tips. Focus on health, cultivate emotional awareness, and develop healthy coping strategies are just a few that resonated with me. I am a foodie. Stasia, you play this tug-of-war game with yourself and food. You get excited when you eat and do your happy dance, but if you overinduldge or eat 5 oreos instead of 2 you feel guilty. Why is this? Well, because I want to maintian a healthy physical and internal lifestyle. BUT I can also enjoy things in portions.
Being intentional with healthy lifestyle choices effects your energy and also your self-care. Healthy lifestyle choices doesn’t just consist of exercise and nutrition, but also nurturing your energy, mind, and soul. When you feel good, you glow differently. I noticed a shift in my energy in a positive when:
I intentionally ride the Peloton bike or take a pilates class, cooking, spend time with my family, when I say no to things that do not serve me, when I listen to myself when I am tempted to purchase the new nike dunk drop (to be or not to be, ha), removing decision that no longer mirror the brand I want to reflect, and when I make sacrifices and cut back in order to obtain a goal, when our love languages are understood, and being an attentive listener.
Intentional with Being Present and an Effective Communicator
Sometimes I get so excited when I speak that the time it takes for my brain to process, register what I am trying to say, and communicate takes too long. I begin to stutter or can’t formulate a clear sentence. Take a breath, Stasia. There isn’t anything wrong necessarily, I am just so excited I forget to breathe. This is something I am working on- being an effective communicator and also be present. That can look like being intentional with 1:1 time with a loved one vs. a group setting, intentionally reaching out and sharing love, intentional with understanding space, and intentional with eye contact and active listening.
When you are sharing something with a close friend, a loved one, or even your boss or colleague and they are doing something, doesn’t it bother you? You feel as if what you are saying doesn’t matter and it isn’t important. That they don’t have the time to listen or pay attention. It is honestly just rude. Whenever my family and I get together for dinner or a fun game night, we are always intentional with being present. It is a gift and a sign of respect for one another. At dinner, we never have our phones out texting or scrolling; otherwise grandma would flick you or someone will call you out. That is not to say that what you are doing isn’t important, it is just being respectful and being present and whatever it is, it can wait.
Isn’t it frustrating when you feel like you aren’t heard or misunderstood? “The biggest communication problem is we don’t listen to understand, we listen to reply/react.” Everyone has different communication styles, and everyone also wants to receive communication differently. Learning how to communicate effectively and know your audience is powerful and beautiful. Some of my friends are just honest and to the point, they may come off harsh to others, but also knowingly what they are saying is from a place of love. Something I learned is when you are having a conversation with someone and the message is not getting across, it is ok to say, “I appreciate you but right now I just need someone to listen to” or, “I am not feeling heard right now.” Another tool, try having a code word with your partner or loved one- when conversations seem to be heating up and you find yourselves talking over each other, create a code word that will bring the conversation to a pause and calm.
Being intentional with my words, my communication, speaking up, and also my thoughts are ways I am building effective communication. Putting my phone down, actively listening, not interrupting, leaning in and showing open body language, making eye contact, and letting someone finish their sentence or thought before interrupting are important for me to build being present.
Intentional with Having Fun and Resting
My girlfriends and I joke about how much we used to go out and party and barely got any sleep. Something that was a fun phase when we were younger. Now, drinking wine, enjoying a meal, hosting loved ones over, and relaxing in the comfort of my home is fun for me! Sure, we all make choices that we aren’t the most proud of, but that is a part of life. It is learning from those decisions and picking yourself up is what counts.
In her book, Feeding the Soul, by Tabitha Brown mentions:
“Stay ready so you don’t have to get ready. This journey, this life , is not a sprint. There is a learnig curve with everything. Be intentional. Calculate your moves. You will likely make fewer mistakes if you slow down a little bit and do it right.
My little sister and I are ying and yang. She is my rock and although she is younger than me, her wisdom and maturity are lightyears ahead of the rest. One night when I welcomed family over, she said, “let’s have a speed walking race!” I said, “Girl, what is that?” She began to demonstrate the act of the speed walk and mentioned that your foot has to plant heel toe and can’t lift up off the ground. Lawd when we had that race we were cracking up! I have respect for the Olympian athletes that compete in this sport because it isn’t easy. My point is, although subconsciously she may have not paid any mind to it- she intentionally thought of an idea for us to have fun and laugh, and also we had to intentionally plant our feet heel toe or we lost. I wish I had a video of that competition to share.
Inspire love. Inspire kindness. Don’t wait for someone to ask you on a date or try a new adventure with someone- do things for yourself. True, it is nice to have someone to share the moment with, but the moment you realize the power of your presence and your indepence- you won’t show up just anywhere. Book that flight, try something new, take up a new hobby or sport, create new opportunities, make a new friend, take that damn nap, laugh at yourself, be financially healthy, buy a gift for a loved one just because- and most importantly live life to whatever fullest looks like for you!
