Always be healing…
“Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
One thing about me is I always have to be moving. I’m not sure where it came from, I blame my Grandma :) She was always on the move taking the next adventure. That is where she thrived in, as do I, but I also had to learn to be intentional with resting and that resting is actually a positive thing for your mind, body, and soul.
When my mom is really upset we know because she cleans. I do that too. Being busy is a coping meachnism for me in terms of keeping myself distracted and not having to think about anything that is consuming my mind. My mentor shared with me that being constantly busy and moving doesn’t always equal productivity.
In her moving Ted Talk, The Power of Vulnerability, Brené Brown breaks down vulnerability and the human connection to empathize, belong, love, courage, shame, and more. The Ted Talk is has reached 57M views and is widely used for professional and personal audiences. Brown, Adam Grant, Simon Sinek, and Sheryl Sandberg are among several authors and speakers I admire. In her Ted Talk Brown shares, “Vulnerability is the glue that holds connection together. It is about our common humanity. When we own our stories and share our stories with one another, and we see ourselves reflected back in the stories of people in our lives we know we are not alone. That is the nature of connection. To be able to see myself, learn more about myself in the stories you share about your expereinces.”
4 minute video: Vulnerability with Brene Brown- An animated illustration of Brene Brown in conversation with Krista Tippett.
Healing
Oftentimes I think the term “healing” can be confusing. One can think healing in terms of when you get a cut you put a bandage on the wound and eventually it heals or there is a scar left behind. We talk about healing often in therapy. Learning healthy coping mechanisms and techniques to heal. To further my understanding, I came across this medium post by Brandon L. Jones, M.A. Healing is a Journey, Not a Desitnation.
We should not view healing as a destination. It is dangerous when we do so. We must start discussing healing as a journey. Sometimes we have experienced so much toxicity in our lives that it does not go away. However, those adverse experiences do not have to impede our growth and our purpose.
Healing is not selfish. Healing is not linear. Healing is not a destination.
When there is a shift or something significant happens in my life I usually reach out to my sister, or my mom, or my step mom, or my bff. My family and I communicate openly about all aspects of life- I mean ALL THE THINGS. I understand that’s not always true with other people and some people are more private. My mom and I were having a conversation and she shared something that really spoke to me:
“When we are struggling with things internally, sometimes we stay to ourselves and process our thoughts, emotions, and feelings alone to figure out what’s going on inside mentally before we can ask for help. When we deal with death, a break up, trauma, work, stress, private life, some people take time for themselves and that’s ok. You have to take time for yourself before you feel ready to open up and be vulnerable. You are trying to process and seek clarity. It’s strange when you have all these thoughts and feelings in your head and you’re either trying to control them, make them make sense, or suppress the thoughts all together. Oftentimes your mind can get spirally or you feel like you’re weighed down, and when you are ready to verbally share with someone and speak out loud how you’re feeling you play it back and may even answer your own thoughts or questions.”
In the book, Girl Wash Your Face, insecurity and imposture syndrome are revealed. We learn how to stop believing lies we are telling ourselves, stop having self-doubt and negative self talk, and unleash our own superhero with passion and pursuit.
One of my girlfriends I’ve known since high school is considered my sister. My family and I adore her. Her and my mom have this special bond and my mom considers her as her own daughter. She has such a strong spirit, is tough, and has a soulful heart. She’s been through some heartbreaking moments in her life, and through it all she has evolved and blossomed so beautifully. Throughout her years of her healing journey, her transition and evolution is respected and admired. She always remained true to herself and is a giver to those around her. Her stories and experiences she has shared have touched my heart and taught me so much. She is one that has taught me to understand setting boundaries, taking time for yourself/ distancing yourself, never settling for less, and removing toxicity from your life. Life is too short and there is so much more going on in the world to be worried about anything petty or small. She also gives the best hugs :)
Through therapy and friendships that have shared their learnings of their own healing journey, I’ve learned:
Anxiety is real and looks and feels different for everyone
Gaslighting, cognitive dissonance, and imposture syndrom are real
Overthinking, ruminating, and a cycle of thoughts feels like you are stuck
Set boundaries and remove yourself from anything that is not serving you and bringing you peace
It is not a sign of weakness
This too shall pass
Sometimes you need a change of scenery, need some space and alone time
Healing for me is being present with sunshine
Do what makes you happy and do more of it
Make time for a mental break to avoid burnout (playing video games, journaling, taking a walk, color/noodle, take a nap…)
Respect people’s privacy, space and boundaries- they don’t always have to owe you an explination
Wake up every morning with a grateful heart and pray for guidance and understanding
Place your hand on your heart and look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself (outloud) I Love You! (Good Morning I Love You)
Be patient and extra kind to yourself
Give yourself grace and positive affirmation
You do not have to go through anything alone
Pratice self-love and compassion
It is normal to feel like you are regressing sometimes, just trust that you have been in a healthy and strong space before and you haven’t lost that light
You should never be an option to anyone
Family isn’t blood-that’s a relative. Family is loyalty, love, trust and respect
You are moving forward while also becoming aware of your behavior
Lean Not on Your Own Understanding (Proverbs 3:5)
One of my best guy friends is a strong man of Faith. Every morning he sends me scripture, a daily devotion, and a prayer to start the day with Jesus at the center. I appreciate our friendship so much. All of them speak to me in such a way, and this one below really resonated with me….
Scripture comes from: Ecclesiastes 3:1
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven”.
I had a little idle time today. This really hit me today. Just thinking about life, lessons, chapters, and growth. When I think about seasons I think of time passing, new beginnings, change and growth. To start you have to know what season of your life you are in. Harvest, sowing, valley, mountain top, etc. In these seasons we learn to depend on and come to expect things. Every season isn’t peachy. Some have more laughter and smiling than others that are full of tears and darkness. But it’s a season. Which has a time and will only last for the permitted time of the season.
I think of it like a rain storm, the sun doesn’t go anywhere it’s still day time. It’s just covered up but it to shall pass and the sun is still shining. Let’s redirect this analogy to that when we are going through a storm or a rough season the SON is still with us on the throne and shining. With him we can endure it all. It will pass.
It brings me great joy to know that seasons don’t last forever. Seasons like sadness, loss, joy, newness, and growth. All of these life seasons are intentional and God’s influence in them should be acknowledged and counted on. If you are in a certain season of life, you can be confident the season will come to an end at some point. This verse serves as a reminder that our circumstances will change and that is something we can come to expect in life. Whatever God takes us through has purpose, perhaps to deepen our faith or to help us achieve breakthrough in an area of life. He is our good Sheppard sometimes us little sheep go astray and he reels us back in. We will get over our sorrows. We will get out of the valley. We will go through hardships. And whatever season of life we find ourselves in, it will have a beginning and it will have an end. We will enter new seasons, too. Ones that bring relief, hope, or a deeper sense of faith. Count it all joy. I can faithfully say that it is a blessing that even though we don’t understand the purpose of things that there is a purpose and all things are working together for our good! God has a plan and a purpose for our lives and it’s to give hope, prosperity and a future.
No matter our season it will end. And a new one will start. Enjoy the good ones endure the bad ones. But know hope and faith with be with us in every season. A time for harvest, sowing, and reaping. Glory be to God for his love and promise of being with us throughout each season.
Father God thank you so much for all your promises and blessings. Thank you for season. Help us see the beauty in each season. The lessons, the growth. Each season we can see who is for us and against who is truly there but we know without a doubt, Father you are with us. Teach us how to be in the moment and enjoy our current season. We love you and we praise. In the Jesus name we pray. Amen!
Forgiving What You Can’t Forget
This book by Lysa Terkeurst is incredible. There are times when I ruminate and overthink and it is so self-destructive. It is a constant cycle of unresolved pain, searching for clarity or answers, blaming myself, and the cycle continues. This book has helped me truly dig deep to learn how to forgive unconditionally and make peace with painful memories and move on.
Unhealed hurt often becomes unleashed hurt spewed out onto others. It’s so very common to be so very offended. Your heart is much too beautiful a place for unhealed pain. Your soul is much too deserving of freedom to stay stuck here.”-Lysa Terkeurst in Forgiving What You Can't Forget: Discover How to Move On, Make Peace with Painful Memories, and Create a Life That’s Beautiful Again
There is a part in the healing journey that also touches on forgiveness. “Most of us will never see the visible reality of what holding on to our pain, resentment, and up forgiveness looks like. Remember that the hurt that they caused was most likely from hurt they carried. Forgiveness is both a decision and process.” (Forgiving What You Can’t Forget).
Triggers can arise and come out of nowhere and hit you like a freight train. Your healing journey and the work you put into it will provide a deeper perspective and understanding for your triggers. “I’m better able to discern what the feeling is and what to do with it.” (pg.52 Forgiving What You Can’t Forget)
“If we want to fully heal, we need to dig into our stories to understand what’s behind the curtain.”
Healing does not have a timestamp. One can grow stronger and learn through the process. Whether you know someone that struggels with mental health, anxiety, and is on their own healing journey or perhaps yourself- please be kind. Everyone has their own journey. Your journey is impacting and touching others and you may not even realize it. Take time for yourself and take special moments to get that joy back in your life. I believe in you. We got this. We are so deserving of the love we give to others. Be honest with yourself. “Fill your cup first so that when the time is right you have enough that will overflow on to others.”
