Always be indulging…
Hangry (han-gree) adj: a state of anger caused by a lack of food; hunger causing a negative change in emotional state.
When I am hangry, I am a different person. Don’t talk to me please, respectfully. My relationship with food has always been love and hate. Foodie at heart but struggle with over eating and over indulging. I once almost bit my tongue off over the holidays just eating and eating too damn fast; but hey, that is what the holidays are for right? To eat all the things, drink all the things, and laugh and fellowship. My mom used to lovingly joke- “You need to slow down when you eat. Breathe! I hope you don’t eat like that when you go on a date.” Food just melts my heart, which is also why I work out. Not only because I release endorphins, but because if I don’t work out I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to see my ankles and feet looking down.
As we get older, our metabolism changes. What we indulge starts to stick in places that takes hard work to shred off. We begin to crack in places we didn’t realize could crack, and we feel pain in areas where we are stressed. What we consume begins to work its magical way through our digestive system and one day we get out the shower looking at ourselves like- “Wow, hello new roll, welcome to the party.” ha! When we are indulging in something we produce those feel good, happy foodie dance chemicals- serotonin and dopamine, and babe that Caniac Box Combo with extra Cane’s sauce was worth it, ok! Same can go for the shows we watch, the music we listen to, and the energy we are around. What we consume our mind, body, and souls affects us differently. I have a lot of respect for people that take their dieting and working out seriously- portion control, weighing food, calorie counting, all the things- that take dedication and discipline and I applaud you. But sometimes- you want that extra blueberry cake donut. Don’t deprive yourself. Enjoy it!
One of my closest friends asked me, “What happened to you not riding the Peloton? You used to ride it every day. That is your true passion?'“ I replied, “I got happy comfortable and I fell off.” She mentioned she was disappointed and she knows how much I love cycling, and encouraged me that it is ok to take those moments to overindulge- but don’t lose focus. That evening, I got back on my bike and released those toxic chemicals that were adding extra weight to my body and felt amazing.
There is so much food to taste, music to dance to, wine to taste, entertainment to experience, and friendships and relationships that serve a purpose for a season- but when you realize that there is extra weight clinging on to you that you need to shred off, it is time to let it go.
In Texas, eating your steak medium rare is the norm with a loaded baked potato on the side washed down with a sweet tea and banana pudding to hit the sweet spot. When I decided to transition my diet from cutting out all red meat and pork- my family thought I was crazy. They didn’t understand why I went from farm to table to roots to table. Bird food is what they called it. I laughed and knew that this was my journey and their funny way of picking on me. My mom was the best, she would put her foot in every meal she made with red meat and pork for my family, and was also thoughtful by making something special for me (fish or grilled chicken). When I took chicken out of my diet for a year- that was a culture shock. :) I knew that my health and my overindulgence on food that was no longer serving me would be tricky and I wanted to experiment with something new -and that was ok. As Tabitha Brown would say, “Because it’s my business.” My skin began to change, my weight began to change, my energy began to change- I truly felt incredible and also proud with myself for making a choice that I knew would serve me in a more healthier way and support my dietary goals. Everyone’s indulgence and choices look different, and that is ok. What are you overindulging in that are no longer serving you? What are you feeding your soul? What are you watching, listening to, observing?
Growing up, my mom would always tell me- you can’t get upset at someone because their actions do not reflect what you would have done. That has always stuck with me. When people close to me notice a change in my diet and my energy, they grew curious and began to ask questions. They wanted me to be their accountability partners in their health journey, but when it came down to putting in the work, they weren’t ready. There was no need for me to grow frustrated or disappointed, that was their journey and I appreciated them reaching out and feeling a sense of motivation from me. They knew I would always be there every step of the way when they were ready.
This goes with different experiences in life. I once dated someone who was older than me by 10 years , financially stable, top in his career, and the life of the party. Our relationship hit it off fast and he asked me to move in with him. That was a major step for me and out of my comfort zone. We had fun in our relationship, made intentional date nights, spent quality time together, and things also seemed to be getting serious. He would talk things about future, family, marriage and it was all exciting and also overwhelming, but I said to myself this is all the things that you want and also someone who would take care of you as well, not from a dependent perspective but someone I thought had their life together. As a couple months passed, I began to notice the distance in him and also our relationship. He would go out to have a guys night and then not come home and his phone would be turned off whenever I tried to check in to see if he was ok (or he blocked me, but that is a lot of energy to do something like that). He would tell me he fell asleep. I would ask myself what am I doing wrong or something is up? All of the signs were there, but I ignored them and self-sabotaged myself and questioned what I was lacking in the relationship for my partner. I questioned my worth. That’s when I found out he was cheating on me (I actually witnessed it first hand). I was embarrassed, shocked, angry, humiliated, confused and at the time I didn’t really have anywhere to go. I share all this because I overindulged in negative self-talk and avoided the red flags and signs that were visible, I ignored internal intuition, and also doubted my own worth- all to protect what I thought was just a bump in our relationship. What I later found out that his habits and lifestyle also happened behind my back. What I thought he was doing he was actually out partying or entertaining. His eyes were wondering. He lived a lifestyle that was not serving what we talked about and of someone I wanted, someone that I wasn’t proud of or to bring around my family because he was still living in ways that did not reflect respect, loyalty, love, family, etc. He was still chasing the streets and seeking that extra attention vs. what we shared at “home.” He may have had a vision for a family lifestyle but that requires change and removing old habits, and maybe he realized that wasn’t with me. Although I experienced those feelings of hurt and humiliation, I had to make a conscious decision to be strong and let go of extra weight that was holding me back from being happy, and also forgive him. Taking responsibility for what we can control is significant. That was a season in my life where I really had to elevate and also pay attention with whom I considered my friends and people I let close to my heart.
Majority of my family lives for the adrenaline of rollercoasters. Not I. You will not catch me on a rollercoaster. That feeling just thinking about it gives me anxiety, but for others that rushed pleasure makes them feel free- and I respect that. Sure, my family can give me a hard time for not wanting to ride, but they understand deep down. They are even happier they have someone to watch their personal belongings while they are enjoying that stomach to mouch feeling riding those dang things. That is what they enjoy- that is what serves them and makes them happy, and I love that for them.
What am I trying to say? Always be indulging, always be experimenting, always be trying something new, always be shifting, but most importantly always be indulging in what makes you happy. Don’t grow hangry and have a negative emotional shift. Focus on how and what you are indulging in, but don’t overindulge where you lose your balance/focus to get back on that bike, to feeding your soul.
